day 6 - time is running up

This is day 6 since the news is broken to me. A lot happened and understand the situation more. Shri is a bastard. Bill is another one. Joshua is the final one. Thanks Barry and Daniel. Thanks Zach. Not sure if Raccoon and Po got play tricks or not. But hate Joshua to the core. Sleep has not been well. Job search has not been well. Not much response from recruiters.

Singapore only needs one person. They choose raccoon. Why? He is the only one in the region?? Wtf??? His job is non technical and I can do it. Idiot Joshua didn't think of that? Or some tricks he played? Chinese new year is coming. Totally no feel. No mood. Sleep bad. Study hard.

By right I should be on the plane now. On the way to San Francisco. Exciting right? Nope. I am here at home, unable to sleep and writing this blog. Just to document down what happened. Who involved. GP is daily busy watching youtube. Cai is busy too. I just need to buck up and pray hard. Hate the world.

the truth about life situations

the truth about life is that you are always alone. yes. you will face your problems alone. no one can help you. no matter how close the person is to you. no matter what, they will not be there for you, always. they have their own commitment, they own things to worry. so you need to face whatever life throws to you on your own. this is the truth, this is ugly. need to suck thumb and accept it. stay strong, 自强不息。

operation winter storm - day 3

This is the 3rd day. Yes, I have been terminated by my company. A lot of questions a lot of anguish.
My company just went for IPO. posting high earning. yet, the reason for my termination is that APAC region is not doing well. I have been in great relationships with all our partners and customer. yet none of this was taken into account.

The chinese new year for this year is extremely cold. CNY is coming, so is my termination. I wonder at back of my mind, who is the idiot? Joshua, Bill Leslie? Daniel and Barry should be ok? never know. I know growing out is pain. But not much of a choice right?

Joanna asked me not to look back. But I really felt unjust. I really wish the company will burn and go up in flames. I will never save Bill, Joshua, Jerry or Lucy even if I happen to be around them in car accident or in a sinking boat.

Raccoon has been hiding. I can do his job, I can do my job. Why there is no consideration that I can be dual purpose. His job needs no technical brain. yet, I am the one who is dead. Jerry says we are a tech start up, he values technical person. bull shit. pure crap.

I didnt sleep well. woke up early and submitted application via job street for 3 jobs. now it is not the time to be fussy. I will keep on looking for network jobs that will allow me to have exposure with firewalls. I need to learn fast, transform. I hate my company and I hate the management inside. Pure crap.

Tired tired...

Felt quite tired today... maybe because i felt tired of the week ahead... got Tshoot exam to clear tomorrow, need to bring dad to bishan heart center tomorrow, need to clean house, kids no sch on friday, need to submit report on friday. ippt on saturday, have not train because raining. my aquarium also not done up. bedsheet not washed. clothes not wash. just spoiled headphones..so many things... tired...

sometimes i wonder is it too many things or maybe i lazy lo... but it does not help when the sibilings ain't helping. how to bring them out of the selfish mode? or is there a need? how much more can i help? lets hope tomorrow will be better, since we get 2 items out of the way. :)

dunno wtf am I doing??

Ok. It's 3.28 am in the morning. Just half attended a conference call, or sort of... it is actually some online training by the company. Really not interested in listening. dunno why but it feels like not my topic? so many pple talk, then getting info out of it is tough. or maybe it's me, i dont want to learn? oh yea, Sales VP messaged me and asked me to ask question. I was zzz... didn't see message.. this time die also dunno how liao... cry..

I feel weird in this job. Neither here nor there. No sense of belonging. Yes, I do like the job scope. Helping customers with their technical issues. Communicating with them. Travelling. But nowadays no more travel. And I feel that I belong to no where? Neither in escalation team nor in sales/pre sales.
Not in support nor in post sales. Seriously I think I am here because the job pays me.

It doesn't sounds like me at all. I do not like to sit around. Maybe I picked this bad habit up? Maybe it's the commitment that I am in now? Need to put food on table? But when I think back, I am currently tired of working in this industry. Maybe it's the sense of belonging again? I don't know.

It's time to sleep. but I just ate biscuits... becoming fat. hopefully I get the CCNP soon. left Tshoot. and get liao I also dunno what to do? maybe I will keep on slack till caught? I think I can work somewhere else, or new scope? If going down the current route, I will out of steam soon. Good night.

10000 hr makes your expert

According to some duno what research, if you spent 10000 hrs, you will more or less become an expert in that something. Well of course there are pple who debunk this "myth" as well as some others who support it.

But I confirm if you put 1 hrs and even if you are born with a special ability, you also cannot become expert. So practice and practice. I belong to the group that needs practice. I am not 1st class nor business class pple. So base on today thoughts, I will try to put 1hr in the morning and 1hr in the night to read on the technical aspects of my job. Maybe morning is on RF, then night is network.

Also, it has been a long time since I last blog, it is always good to find this account to waiting for me. I will try to blog my feelings and what I think into this blog and seriously I dont think pple will read it. Which is good!

Ok, let's put this blog aside and let me start my 1st hr or less of reading!!! "go go go!!!"

lousy day

Second day of blogging.

Today is the first day back to office since 3 weeks ago. By right should be a relax day and could have been better. Started the day with kitty ordering the wrong breakfast. Ordered 4 eggs instead of 2. Guess the auntie listen wrongly and gave us 4 eggs. Helped her to take on 2 eggs then.

We are both juz back from a long break and in fact she is feeling a bit on the monday blues. After going into office, we had a chat with boss and went to start our van. My van's battery was flat and need to be jump start using 小白. Not long after all the hassle, including refueling and going around to make sure my van battery got charged, it was lunch. But were stopped by Alpha guys. This is rather impromptu and boss and me spent quite some time to listen to their sales talk and stuff. Quite irresponsible for the guy who brought them to me. It is as if we have tonnes of free time and can entertain anyone any time.

After lunch kitty shows more of her jet lag signs. As we continue our discussion, we were random chatting on the setting for the speed of premium users. And it happened so fast that kitty is able to pull someone who is a premium guy. I am rather surprise and wanna find out how she did it. This in turn makes me curious on how come she is looking at the CTM pple (which is how she use to pull the premium user out). I am curious on how come she is looking at CTM. When i probe more, she gave me the "roll eyes" look and got piss off with me. Mean while, when we are in discussion, she also did not pay full attention and was colouring some stuff she drawn with her pen. Then after all the conversation, I juz feedback that it's not nice to "roll eyes" at me and her colouring is not really showing her paying attention to our conversation. Yea and guess what she replied: -> I am listening while colouring. Is this a generation gap thingy?

I guess she's tired but is this the way to treat me? And she blamed me that I am juz satisfying my curiosity when I asked her the questions.... I am over taxing her tired brain. She then dont feel like replying my msn messages. I also told her not to drive van home, coz she is simply too tired to do so. She was piss off and retorted, why must everytime listen to me? What did I do wrong??? I am juz concern abt her safety. I even toyed of the thought to ask garfield to come fetch her as I could not talk to her any more... I had a bad bad time with her. I juz wanna go home on time then. And I dont think she will ever feel apologetic for what had happened.

Upon reaching home, I almost fell asleep instantly. Was so vexed by this stupid issue and felt I did no wrong. I slept while dear went hospital visit village chief. The chief is oki. not fantastic though, she needs something like a cast on her knee and will be discharged tomolo.

Ate bah chang for dinner and blogging now. Going to sleep soon with exception that dear slept liao. Such is the world where I am now alone with all these stupid issues. I hope tomolo will be better and the world really sucks big time today!

It has been a while

A long while since I ever blog.

Well, is a blog = a diary?
Maybe I should try to keep a diary?
Definitely takes effort to maintain.

This morning woke up early. Despite not resting enough, dear and I went for a jog.
It was roughly 4.5km and we took ard 35 mins. Prettie decent for her. Was targetting 4km jog only, but she push herself and went slightly further.

Had a healthy cornflakes bf and was busy googling the net and reading stuff away.
Wait till ard noon and packet roasted pork, char siew and pork ribs home for dad, mum and sis.
Quite rare occasion that all of us managed to meet at mother's place. Yea, all were present. If only this can happen once a month... Maybe da-jie is always absent ba.

Next we went to bishan to return books and borrowed more. This time on jogging and abs. Not sure if really got time to read. Was dead tired when we made our way to AMK Hub to buy the raw materials for dinner. Actually wanted to buy a warmer pot and try cooking soup for gp but the pot was quite expensive, so gave up idea. After buying things, we came back to put the food into fridge and went over to pdv. Coz village chief fell down and hurt her leg. (bone crack and almost on verge of breaking)

Once we reach home, I concussed. Was so tired that after reading one page of the book, I zzz. Slept till dinner was cooked and didnt eat much. After eating, I tried reading again, but concussed again. Now juz woke up, bath and waiting for fur to dry. Going to zzzz soon.

Tomolo will need to think how to re-org the tasks we have on hand and how not to replicate efforts on our work stuff. Now not much spare capacity to think so much. Zzzz time again.
Hope I recovered from jet lag.